Well I knew it was bound to happen at some point. Addi is a two year old in daycare and last night was the night. Emergency Room visit. This was the first time she had to go, but a temperature of 105 is no time to mess around and develop anxiety over my fear/memories that await in a hospital room.
Evan was in and out of the hospital ever since I was three months pregnant. The last time I went to the emergency room was the last time Evan went to the hospital. It’s been over six months and I could feel my anxiety build as I drove to the ER. Addi was fine, not even awake really so I didn’t need to speed like a bat out of hell, although I am sure Evan would have wanted me to. I was able to stay calm and collected…until Addi, in the middle of crying, exclaimed that she wanted her daddy. I just smoothed her hair down and told her I did too. I am sure the nurse thought I was reacting to my daughter being in the hospital. I didn’t feel the need to make myself cry harder so I didn’t say anything. What is there to tell a stranger? Sorry I am freaking out over here, it’s just that she’s never been to the emergency room and I could really use her dad but he can’t be here because he had cancer…yeah, that would have really calmed me down…I pulled it together before the doctor came in. Addi’s temp was down and the symptoms seemed to reflect a bout of the flu. I waited for the discharge papers to be drawn up and rocked Addi in the spare chair in the room. I couldn’t help but be overcome with emotions just looking at the damn bed. I don’t know how many times I stared at the stupid lever that controls the bed. I would often rest my forehead on the rail and hold Evan’s hand when he was in the hospital. Addi heard me crying and looked at me, took both of my cheeks in her hands and told me “it’s ok Mama, just breathe.” She then gave me a kiss and put her head back on my chest.
That little girl never ceases to amaze me. She got a dose of temaflu, which she promptly regurgitated once we were back on the road to our house in the wee hours of the morning. I was told to take her home and let her rest and to monitor her temperature, which has been up and down all day.
I knew a trip to the hospital would come. I knew it would be difficult, but I am strong because of everything Evan and I went through. And so is Addi. We managed to get in and out without too much trouble. We are a force to be reckoned with; that’s for damn sure.