8%

Addi is now five.  I have married again and have a son now.

I remember thinking about this and being in disbelief that it would happen; however, life has continued on.

Addi has been gaining a better understanding of death lately.  Or at least she is more cognizant of it.  I knew this would happen, and yet I didn’t prepare for these conversations.  How do you talk to a five year old about death? Especially when not religious?  I have been thinking a lot about this, but often fall short of how the conversation should go until I am looking at a teary-eyed little girl that misses her dad.

I decided to look up glioblastomas just now.  Addi knows that Evan died because of a growth or bump in his brain.  I was just curious as to what the actual survival rate was.  I looked this up once after he was diagnosed and I remember sitting beside him and reading two years with treatment.  I walked out of the room bursting into tears and talked to my sister, who was four hours away, on a hill in my backyard just bawling.  I never brought it up to him.

I was so naive to think the outcome would be different.  8%. 8 % is the chance of being a 5-year survivor with a glioblastoma.  And now I spend the nights when Chris, my husband, is at work and it is just Addi, me and my nine-month old, telling her Daddy Evan is always with us and in our heart.  I am not writing this from a sad perspective, just thinking about how important it is to be informed and realistic.

I remember writing an entry about being an advocate for yourself or your loved one; you must also be an informed advocate.  This should be obvious advice; however, sometimes in situations like terminal illness we forget the obvious.

Advertisements